RoboTakover

2006-10-23T18:22:00.000-07:00

Updates might be scarce for the next few days or so, if I make any at all. Why, you ask? Because I am in the process of buying and setting up a domain! Hooray for me, I am going to be the proud owner of a domain, once my money order gets through. Which might be a while. Because the post office sucks. But whatever, I'm getting an f-ing domain!

I've already decided and coded the basic layout, which is an altered version of this one. I've finished all the graphics, which is very easy because I'm not deviating far from what I have right now. I've sketched out the content and I'm working on editing some of my articles for it right now. The site is mostly going to focus on my blog, "articles" (essays and such), and photography and doodles. I don't have much for visitors, though I'm planning some stuff. I'm really excited and I want the company to recieve my payment already so I can set it up.

I'm going to use Wordpress for my blog, because I've decided I don't like blogger. I'm a bit concerned that I'm going to mess it all up, though. And I wanna know if I can backdate entries, so that way I can transfer the few entries I have on here. But I'll burn that bridge when I get there.

I got hit on by a lesbian today and I was very flattered.

2006-10-22T17:42:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, I like to open MS Paint and pretend that I'm an artist. Scribbles and doodles are my forte (realism is for suckers).

J. called today, so I guess I'm not as unlucky as I previously thought. We had a nice long talk, too. He has more training after this, but it might be postponed for a couple of months in which case he will probably come home for two months. You can guess what I'm wishing for.

The bad news is that all signs are pointing towards him being deployed to Iraq. Because of his stupid, stupid job choice. C'est la vie.

I'm doing ridiculously well in all my classes right now considering the amount of time I actually put into them. Sociology especially. I hardly read for that class, yet I have a 98 average. They're all intro classes, however, so we'll see how I do when I get into my actual literature courses.

My big Christmas wish this year is for a banjo. Materialism wise. My other wishes are for a job and for J. NOT to be deployed (and end up in some place like Okinawa! <3). And if I recieve said banjo, I have a list of songs I eventually want to learn how to play. Then I shall annoy EVERYONE. Mwahaha!

2006-10-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

I can't wait until Sunday when J. calls. Knowing my luck, he won't because of some horribly bad turn of events.

Every once in a while I feel like I should try to be less materialistic and throw away a lot of my stuff. And then I remember the movie Harold & Maude (my favorite!)...when Harold first meets Maude, and she says something along the lines of:
"I'm a gentle reminder that nothing in life is permanent. Because of that, I'm not against collecting."

I'm feeling really down. Just...down. Its one of those days I need that person to talk to, and that SPECIFIC person isn't here. And he isn't going to be until December. I want this to get better. I want my boyfriend to be around all the time. And when I tell people that, they say "break up with him!". No, you don't fucking get it. I want HIM. Not anyone else. If I was to break up with him just because he's not going to be around constantly for around a year, that would prove this relationship superficial. And it isn't. Gah.

I applied for a job at a shoe shop today. I hope I get it, not because I really wanna work there but because I want a job so I can buy super-fly Christmas presents for everyone. Please, please, please, Fate, give me one good thing.

I'm listening to a song about sex.

2006-10-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

Its raining, and I can tell that it has been meaning too for hours. This afternoon, I went on a bicycle ride (lovely!) and there were ominous black clouds hanging over the mountain.

I feel very domestic right now. I cleaned my room today, which was quite a task since I've let a million papers add up since I started college in June. I also pulled out and cleaned a jewelry box that belonged to my grandma -- its a really pretty dark wood box with watery oriental-type paintings all over it. I absolutely LOVE it. Its on my dresser right now, next to a vase with the first rose J. ever gave to me in it.

I also mended my sheets and blanket, since I let my dogs sleep on my bed and they like to tear up fabric evidently. After I was done with all this, I cooked dinner for myself because I have apparantly turned into a housewife.

Then I just sat down at my desk in front of my typewriter and pounded out a few lines of prose. I'm at a lose, however, of what to write next. I often find that I have written myself into a corner.

While cleaning, I found a whole bunch of letters J. wrote to me before we graduated. I laughed, I cried, etc., etc. There's nothing like reading a lovers letters to make you miss them a million times more. I can't wait until Sunday, when he gets to call because I have so much to tell him. More then anything else, I just wanna tell him that I love him. So he knows. So I know he knows.

I also wanna find out if he knows where he's going to be stationed after this last bit of training! I hope, if its not here, that he gets stationed in Okinawa because I wanna visit Japan so bad it HURTS. And where ever he gets stationed, I'll probably get to go visit him in spring/early summer. That is if he gets the money to buy me plane tickets, which I hope very badly he does. I'm job hunting right now so I can try to help him cover the cost, if these plans pan out.

I've been thinking about it for months, and I have decided I want to learn how to play the banjo. In fact, my Christmas wish is a banjo.

I am not ashamed to admit I am addicted to Project Runway and can't wait to see the finale tonight. Okay, maybe I'm a little ashamed.

2006-10-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

I went to the dentist today...the horrible, rough dentist who nags me about EVERYTHING (not just my teeth). I have a temporary crown now, which is a piece of metal that's making my gums throb. Because of previously mentioned roughness.

I try to make the most of my days. I try to be optimistic (but more often then not, realistic), but there's just THOSE DAYS. When you have to break down a little because your teeth hurts and your lovers gone and everything else. But even then I try to make the most of it -- J. may be gone, but him running off to far of lands (such as California, ha ha ha) certainly adds to the whole adventurous romantic perspective of my life, even though I'm not the one adventuring.

There's an old, old, old song that I hum every once in a while because it reminds me of J. and our situation...

"See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise on a tropic isle
Just remember darlin' all the while
You belong to me

See the market place in Old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me

I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too, and blue

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me"

And I don't wanna sound prosey and poetic and corney by saying that, but when I think of that song I feel like its possible I'm going every place that J. is, because I know I'm on his mind and with him in spirit.

Yeah, that was pretty lame. Sorry.

I love how the phrase "you only live once" can be used to justify both a super-duper safe lifestyle or an exuberant, action-packed lifestyle. When I tell my mom I wanna travel to Rome and London and Tokyo and all places in between, she says something along the lines of "you only live once, so don't live your life in debt". Wait, what? So I'm supposed to live a super safe life where I don't reach for any of my dreams because of I might spend life in debt? That seems like a boring trade. "Hmm, I could go to Greece, or I could stay home and budget...tough choice, tough choice."

I really wanna be a writer. I don't even care if I get paid, I just wanna publish the "great American novel". Or a novel of my choice, preferably. But I'm afraid I'll never gain enough life experience to make it realistic. I wanna go out there and live, but it seems much more difficult then previously thought.

2006-10-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

J. finally called. Apparantly, he only has "liberty" on Sundays, so that's the only time he can call. But he's only going to be in that place (San Diego) for three weeks, and then he goes to North Carolina for MORE training. And then he comes home for Christmas!

Last night I went out with my sister and a few friends. There's a friend of a mutual friend who always tags along with us...I cannot stand him AT ALL. And usually I try to be tactful since he's good friends with someone I get along well with, but last night I snapped at him multiple times.

I dislike him tremendously because he's one of those people who never takes responsibility for their actions. Not only that, he blames the consequences of his mistakes on other people. And then he mistakes the same mistake. Over and over. And over again.

And he's not one of those easily avoidable people because he always hangs out with my friends because of the one guy in who group who likes him because they've known eachother for forever and he's obviously impervious to his stupidity.

I'm still sick. :C

2006-10-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

AH! Something has finally taken a turn for the better. My mom (if she passes a drug test, which she will) has been hired to work at a job that will pay her $5000 more dollars yearly. So next semester is going to be taken care of, and maybe a class in the summer semester. No student loans, yet!

J. still hasn't called, but I guess that's no suprise. I sent him an email, so I know its not for a lack of trying -- even if he only had five minutes, he would reply telling me he'll talk to me soon. I guess everything is hectic for him (it is the Marines). I'm just glad to know that it won't be like basic training was, where he could only write me (short) letters, and that he will be able to call and email soon. If he hasn't called by next tuesday, I'm going to call his mom, 1) to see how she's doing and, 2) to see what's up other then that.

I went to my old high school to help my senior English teacher (to be known as Ms. B) grade papers. It took FIVE HOURS. Five, very frustrating hours. I sat, hunched over at a little round table surronded by papers and used kleenex (since I'm sick) for FIVE HOURS. I was grading tests on Beowulf and Arthurian Legends.

Let me start by saying I have NEVER read Beowulf. It wasn't on the AP curriculum last year, so I didn't have to read it. I do know the basic story. Wednesday, I had sat through on of Ms. B's classes, in which she gave a review on Beowulf and King Arthur. Basically, she gave the class the whole test and some of the answers, and they just had to study. Today, when I went by to grade, I looked through the test first and answered most of the open ended questions and got a very good score, just from sitting through the review.

A very large percentage of the students failed. I felt like going on a murderous rampage. How could they fail that?! It was so frustrating to sit there for five hours, grading test after test with horrible scores. I think, if I do indeed become an English teacher, thats going to be the worst part of the job. It wasn't even like these kids were getting questions wrong, they weren't even bothering to answer most of the test. About 99% of the kids who failed did so because they skipped most or all of the open-ended recall questions!!

AGGGGHHHH! That's the only way I can sum my feelings up. I did, however, get paid $30 to grade these tests (because Ms.B is ever so nice), so that did make up for most of the misery. And now I have some money to buy Christmas presents with! I think I can buy my mom, dad, and sister some gifts with this (I'm very frugal), and then I'll work for some more money to get J.'s present, and maybe some new toys for my dogs as their present from Santie Paws.

I wanna run away and get eloped with J. and live with him in a small home in California with a couple of dogs. Then I could take out my dreaded student loans and go to school in a place where they were flip-flops and t-shirts to class, unlike the people at my University who dress like they're going clubbing when they're just going to class.

2006-10-12T13:57:00.000-07:00

I used to want to build my life around safety. Recent events have led me to believe that's not what I truly want any longer. In fact, I'd rather live not knowing what tomorrow will bring. There's only two constant I want: my art and my love.

I got into a car crash a few weeks ago. Noting serious, though my car was totaled. My mother went and bought two new cars, thus insuring that I won't have money for tuition next semester (unless I go to community college). That whole situation - the accident, the now-debt, all that jazz - has made me realize that I can't expect to control my life.

Then I went and talked to an old teacher of mine, and told her about the accident, my lack of money, and she advised taking out student loans. I was like "man, I'll be in debt before I graduate!". She laughed and said "Sweetie, I'm in debt up to my shoulders, and I wouldn't want it any way. I'll die in debt, but at least I'm happy."

So now I'm viewing this as an oppourtunity. I might not even go to school next semester, I might just work and write or do whatever it is that tickles my fancy at the moment. The fact that I want to be a teacher indicates that I'm going to be in the academic setting for a while - I don't want it to be my whole life.

In other news, my boyfriend J. left town a few days ago - he's in the Marines, so he was on leave. He's going to training in San Diego, but he hasn't called since he left. His mom called yesterday, and says he hasn't called her either. I'm certain that he's probably in "processing" or something right now, and is doing tons of paperwork because large organizations love beauracracy. Or maybe he's just ignoring his loving family and girlfriend. But he should be able to call and email this time, unlike with basic.